do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
