Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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