We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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