Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
