I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
