well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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