Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
