How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize