I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
