JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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