if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
