Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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