So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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