Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
