My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize