She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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