The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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