Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
