i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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