When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
