I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
