Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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