Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
