I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
