I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
