I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
