i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
