So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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