bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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