whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
