I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize