Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
