I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize