I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
