Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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