Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
