i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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