Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
smell my finger.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
is it fun? or sober?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
