I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
