I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
