I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
