just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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