I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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