Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i need to put some appletini on your dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize