These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
