dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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