So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
