This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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