I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
