and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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