dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
