i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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