How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Less talking, more tequila
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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