I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
