You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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