i just google imaged poop.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
