you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
