He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
