So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
