I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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