Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
