my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
