Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
