Cold hands, warm shart.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
