I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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