Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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