i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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