Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
