Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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